Nearly Normal

Purged

I've been on a purging streak the last couple of weeks - the pantry, the spice cabinet, the stairway bookshelves and the living room bookshelves.  It's been very cleansing.  Kitchen stuff and duplicate spices given away, a carton of books to go to the used bookstore and a large bag to go to the friends of the library.  Left in the house to tackle the bedroom bookshelf and the huge pile of books on the floor in front of it and my closet.  I've lost almost 30 pounds so I know there's stuff that will no longer fit YEAH.  

Then comes the big tackle outside.  The great wall of Mill Creek is covered in wild blackberries yummy to eat but not pleasing on my gardener eye.  In fact the entire area around the house is full of blackberries.  That's what comes of living in the forest.  Any time you rest the blackberries invade.  Little does Larry know that he's going to weed eat the hill so I can Round Up the lovely berries.

I'm able to do all this because I've spent the last four years on Dr. Sanity's couch reclaiming my life after the nasty depression.  Yes for talk therapy and psych drugs.

Depression

or the blessed lack there of.  I've battled it for years now, to the edge of suicide more than once and back.  I never want to hear anyone say "oh you can just snap out of it".  No, you can't trust me I tried my very best to snap out of it.  With the help of a wonderful therapist and drugs depression is at bay.  I won't say it's behind me because I don't think that's true.  But it doesn't control my life like it has in the past.  It's nice to see color again, worry about my garden again, want to participate in life again.

Bless you Dr. Sanity and Abilify without the 2 of you I wouldn't be here. 

Just what is normal?

That's what Dr. Sanity and I explored this week.  After cancer, perforated bowel,  Larry's gator trick and Mason's death  I feel that I'm finally getting myself back, you know, nearly normal.  Whatever that means.

Dr. Sanity suggested that normal is an ever changing thing.  I decided that normal means whatever you decide it means and can only belong to you.   No one else can decide what your normal is, they just need to worry about getting their own normal.  

 

The fruits of our labor

Is sweet to see. 

I was a member of the now retired, we accomplished our goal, Advisory Council for the Sutter Santa Rosa Women' Health Center.  Yes it's a mouthful.  One of our many goals was to establish an Integrative Health program for women with breast cancer and ultimatly to all women with cancer.  The idea was to provide alternative therapy for women going through chemo and radiation.  Alternate therapy includes massage, Jin Shin Jyusto, art therapy, accupunture, etc.

I am so proud to say that yesterday I went to the 'new site' warming and was overwhelmed.  Like a planted seed our idea has bloomed full flower to it's own dedicated space with beautiful treatment rooms with soft colors, piped in music and custom art.  It's also expanded to serve women with all types of cancer and even cared for its first man this week.

Congratulations to the wonderful and dedicated staff, donors and Sutter for growing this program

Cold, clear fury

As you all know I'm a breast cancer survivor as such I pay attention to breast cancer in the news.

Today the Susan G. Komen Foundation withdraw their funding for Planned Parenthood that is used for breast cancer screening.  That they withdrew their funding is appalling but they did it for purely political reasons.

Please support your local breast cancer charities rather than Komen in the future. 

All is well

Yes, another 6 month ultrasound that looks great!  A truly great Thanksgiving gift.  I'll have another 6 months "beause of your history" quotes McD and I'll probably graduate to once a year.  I love science.

Like butter in a hot skillet

That's a apt description for my nerves tonight, sizzling at the edges.  You see I have my 6 month breast ultrasound tomorrow.  Now intellectually I know that the scan won't show anything it shouldn't but my nerves are not quite so easily convinced.

This afternoon I talked to Dr. Sanity and assured her I had talked myself out of being scared about tomorrow.  I just forgot to tell my nerve endings and my stomach.  Let's see the countdown ends 19 hours exactly (as I type) tomorrow.  Then thankfully an appointment with Dr. Sanity follows.  God bless Dr. Sanity she really does keep me sane, well she and Abilify.

The new cause

Since I'm a breast cancer survivor and was part of the Advisory Council at the Breast Care it's time for a new cause.

As such I was asked to be a member of a Survivorship focus group to address cancer after care.

When you have cancer you're wrapped up in diagnosis, treatment, the will to live.  You have support all around you.  Your team of doctors, nurses, etc.  Once you're done you're left hanging.  You learn to deal with the what the hell happened to me and my life is changed for ever all on your own with no road map.  Some people choose to go it alone, some people get a therapist like my much loved Dr. Sanity.

The SFG is working on developing a program which follows people after their diagnosis to watch for long term effects of cancer treatment.  Like how's your head, the possible long term effects of your treatment, to your chances of getting cancer again.

It's something I've wanted to do for a long time.