Well, it's not going to kill you

This just breaks my heart, as many things do these days

'Baby Grace' identity positively confirmed

(CNN) -- DNA tests conducted in Galveston, Texas, confirmed that a toddler whose body was found in the West Bay earlier this month was Riley Ann Sawyers, the daughter of Robert Thomas Sawyers and Kimberly Dawn Trenor, the Galveston County Sheriff's Department said Friday in a statement.

Trenor, 19, and her husband, Royce Clyde Zeigler II, 24, were arrested Saturday and charged with injuring a child and tampering with physical evidence. The Sheriff's Department said that the Galveston County District Attorneys Office would be reviewing the case to decide about other possible charges. (Posted 6:51 p.m.)

My first question is way a 16 year old had a kid.    Surprise, surprise, abstinence only DOES NOT WORK!!!!!  Have you heard what they did to this toddler? 

That's really all I can say.   I had a sucky day today, read the previous post.

PTSD

This is hard for me to talk about but I had a nasty flashback today so I thought it deserved to be talked about.

I have PTSD.  That's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, you know the thing that soldiers get.  I was diagnosed in  1992.  I won't go into the reasons because it's just TO. PAINFUL. TOO. RELATE.  I spend several months drooling on the couch and contemplating suicide.  The only things that keep me from it were knowing I didn't want Larry to find me and not wanting to damage my new car ( yes I CAN laugh about that one now).  I finally had to throw out a glass because it kept talking to me "break me, cut yourself"  It's only been recently (like a few months) that broke glassware has not spoken to me.

It's awful, painful, ugly and frightening.  I thought I knew all my triggers and had it mostly under control until today.  My triggers are mostly numbers related as I was a financial analyst  before I broke.  I used to have a fantastic memory for numbers, carrying budget adjusts down to the penny in my brain for three years.  Phone numbers, no problem, account numbers , again no problem.  Now I can barely do simple math in my head.   Talk about frustrating for a science major, finance person!   Thank God for calculators!

But today was interesting.  I went to Physical Therapy and my therapist was no longer there.  Some time between a week ago Wednesday and today he either quit or was fired.
He had been sick the week of Thanksgiving, taken a sick day, was not paid for it and was docked a day's pay.  I knew he was angry.  He had worked at the place since January 2, had not missed a day and thought he had been given sick time when hired.  NOPE.  Apparently he took most of this week of as well.  Thank goodness, he sounded terrible and was sure to be carrying germs.  But I digress.  I guess the powers that thing they are didn't like it.   I was told by the assistants that they came in this morning, his name was erased from the board and all his patients were reassigned today.  Don't you just love corporate America?

FLASHBACK, FLASHBACK, FLASHBACK this was similar to the way I was treated before I broke.  As I said I don't want to go into details but here it is cropping up 15 years later.

Yes it stays with you and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

OH NO

The Dallas Cowboys are now the best rated team in the NFL!!!!!!  The Dallas Cowboys!!!!
People I'm throwing myself upon my keyboard and weeping in pain and sorrow !!!! The fricking Dallas Cowboys!!!!!

I don't do socks

Laundry day, well actually it's been laundry week because I don't do laundry for a stretch and then I catch it all up at once.

I fold towels, sheets, underwear (his and mine), t-shirts (his and mine) hang shirts (mine, his I neatly drape over the back of a chair) jeans, pants, whatever.  Except matching his socks.  I think it's my way of reminding him I'm not his maid.  I'm not real consistent about matching my socks.  Sometimes they just get tossed in the drawer and I dig through looking for what I want.  Then I'll get frustrated because I can't find the matching sock so I'll pair them all.  But that lasts just so long.  In my heart of hearts I'm just not a tidy person.

This is my motto "In the midst of chaos lies creativity"

One Year ago today

There's not much to say so I'll just repeat last year's post.  It's over, I'm done, I'm healthy and I've moved on (mostly)

Over, complete, finished, through, no more, THE END.  I had my last radiation treatment this morning.

A brief recap:
1 mammogram
1 ultrasound guided biopsy
1 diagnosis
2 surgeries
1 port placement
5 rounds of chemo with 4 different drugs
33 radiation treatments

1 radiologist - he read the mammo, did the biopsy
1 family practice doc - she gave me the diagnosis
1 surgeon
1 interventional radiologist - he placed the port
1 medical oncologist
1 radiation oncologist

WOW!

Many thanks to the Drs. McDonald, Shaw, Elboim, Collins and Scharfen for the wonderful and supportive care they provided me.  As well as to all their staffs.

Thanks to all of you who have been caring and supportive also.
Cathy & Larry

Hair

Surprised you didn't I?  Haven't talked about hair in a while but reading Alida's blog brought it all back. 

So I did a quick body update.  I found a hair in my armpit!!!  Wait no - in both of them!  Still no nose hair, somewhat of a blessing and a curse : ].

Amazingly to me the hair on my head came back thicker than ever, in fact Tina had to thin it last time I got it cut.  And I swear it grows faster than ever.  Before I lost it I could stretch a hair cut for 8 weeks.  Now it's 6 if I'm lucky.

What kind of superhero you ask? updated, again, again

again Well to start every child every where would be wanted and loved.  They would have enough food, fresh safe water and suitable shelter.

Then guns, guns of ANY sort would be gone unless you're a police officer.  Hunting for sport would be banned, in fact imagine this, all sport hunters would be herded into a reserve and the animals would get to stalk them for fun.   no Cathy, that would be wrong.

The Chinese would be made to clean up their polluted cesspool that passes as a country.  Nuclear arms would disappear.  The world would become more energy efficient - solar panels for all! 

Cars would become much more fuel efficient.  Should you choose to drive a tank Hummer or something of that type you get charged double for each tank of gas.  Just on general principles, because if a superhero has no principles then how possibly could she be a superhero?

Sports stars and politicians would be paid minimum wage so teachers, police officers, firefighters, paramedics and the like could be paid premium wages.  Because after all aren't they much more important than sports stars and politicians?

Multimillionaire CEOs would be a thing of the past.  EVERYONE, EVERY WHERE would make a living wage at one job.  EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE would have health care at a reasonable cost.  EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE would know how to read and write in whatever language(s) they choose.

The superhero is out of ideas for the moment but don't be surprised she might come back.

# 1 see back already -
pets, pets would not be thrown out like so much garbage.  It you chose to have a pet you must be responsible for it just as you would a child.  No leaving cats or dogs loose to fend for themselves just because they're old, sick or you're just bored and don't want to deal with them anymore.  NO BAD!

Now food animals.  I have no quarrel with vegans or vegetarians to each their own.  But I'm a meat eater...  bacon, yum...   Cows, pigs, chickens, etc. must be housed in comfortable clean conditions until their time as come.  Then slaughtered as humanely as possible.

NO FUR, no animal should lose it's life because someone wants to wear a dead animal on their back.  NO EXCEPTIONS.

No more warlords or businesspeople breaking the backs of their countries in the name of religion or tribe or corporate greed.

Yes the superhero is idealist but it's that what superheros are about?

#2 and yet again

clothing sizes would be consistent between manufacturers.  Petty complaint but annoying none the less.  Same for shoes.

A good education would be a thing to value and priced so everyone who wants it can afford it.

#3 and again

Arlo Guthrie's version of Can't Help Falling in Love will become the official version, forget Elvis.  And City of New Orleans.  I'm not sure who else sings it but Arlo, only Arlo

In my next life I will be a superhero

I came upon this idea as I was casting about for something to post today.  I mean something that didn't make me sound as if I'm a raving lunatic.  Yes I realize I often sound as if I'm a raving lunatic but I thought we could use a change of pace.

Thinking about all the injustice in the world got my dander up.  It's wrong, it's ugly, it's unhealthy and I can't help but rant because it makes me so very sad and angry.  I get passionate about things.  I mean I find it the height of hypocrisy that Condi Rice and Bush are holding a Middle East Peace Conference.  Exactly who the hell is blowing up the Middle East and pissing everyone off, who I ask you, who ????  I find it heartbreaking that Shrub and his merry band of mad people have almost killed my compacity for outrage because every thing they do is so outrageous.  Then there's the fact that my health insurance premium is going up 21% next year.  Yes 21% so the Chairman of UHC can have his whatever million dollar bonus and the drug companies can hand out their freebies, flood the airways with ads and plaster them in print.  Is my income going up 21% next year, nope not in this lifetime.  My premium will know take up 1/3 of my monthly income.                 sorry kind of lost it for a minute there! 

So in my need to right the wrongs of the world I decided a superhero would be appropriate.

you may get lucky and have a double post day but if not at least a got a post up today.

No Grief

I came across this blog today.  The author writes about her grief on being diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer Stage 3B.

What I remember about hearing I had cancer was first surprise, then anger.  Oh the anger!
At having to put those nasty chemicals in my body, at losing my hair, at what it did to the people around me, at what it did to me.  But I don't remember grief.  Maybe I passed through it very fast that day Amy called.  Perhaps I never passed through it at all.

I think knowing my tumor was very small and it had not spread had a lot to do with it.  I wasn't looking at the chance I might lose my life just a small piece of my breast.

The anger is mostly gone now, it still rears it's ugly head on occasion usually in connection with a follow-up doctor's appt but it's small and I can handle it.

I feel that I should be waxing poetic about the journey but in the long run it was just that, a journey.  One I hopefully will never, ever repeat.  It changed me and made be stronger but I still don't want to repeat it.

Brain Flash

I was reading in bed this morning, one of my favorite pleasures, anyway I was reading in bed and pondering in the back of my mind when I'm going to fit the last Harry Potter book into my schedule.

As I was pondering my mind drifted to banned books.  As in people who have never read the book want Harry Potter banned because "it encourages witchcraft"  How can you possibly decided what or what not a book will encourage it you haven't read it?????

This led me to the thought that perhaps it's not the words people are afraid of but what they might encourage in the imagination.  Here's a link to a list of banned books.  Some on the list just boggle my mind.  Gone with the Wind, Grapes of Wrath and this is the reason why some of them were banned.  I'll I can say is wow.