PTSD

This is hard for me to talk about but I had a nasty flashback today so I thought it deserved to be talked about.

I have PTSD.  That's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, you know the thing that soldiers get.  I was diagnosed in  1992.  I won't go into the reasons because it's just TO. PAINFUL. TOO. RELATE.  I spend several months drooling on the couch and contemplating suicide.  The only things that keep me from it were knowing I didn't want Larry to find me and not wanting to damage my new car ( yes I CAN laugh about that one now).  I finally had to throw out a glass because it kept talking to me "break me, cut yourself"  It's only been recently (like a few months) that broke glassware has not spoken to me.

It's awful, painful, ugly and frightening.  I thought I knew all my triggers and had it mostly under control until today.  My triggers are mostly numbers related as I was a financial analyst  before I broke.  I used to have a fantastic memory for numbers, carrying budget adjusts down to the penny in my brain for three years.  Phone numbers, no problem, account numbers , again no problem.  Now I can barely do simple math in my head.   Talk about frustrating for a science major, finance person!   Thank God for calculators!

But today was interesting.  I went to Physical Therapy and my therapist was no longer there.  Some time between a week ago Wednesday and today he either quit or was fired.
He had been sick the week of Thanksgiving, taken a sick day, was not paid for it and was docked a day's pay.  I knew he was angry.  He had worked at the place since January 2, had not missed a day and thought he had been given sick time when hired.  NOPE.  Apparently he took most of this week of as well.  Thank goodness, he sounded terrible and was sure to be carrying germs.  But I digress.  I guess the powers that thing they are didn't like it.   I was told by the assistants that they came in this morning, his name was erased from the board and all his patients were reassigned today.  Don't you just love corporate America?

FLASHBACK, FLASHBACK, FLASHBACK this was similar to the way I was treated before I broke.  As I said I don't want to go into details but here it is cropping up 15 years later.

Yes it stays with you and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.