Well, it's not going to kill you

Has any one mentioned that growing old sucks and other points of interest

Well it does.  I was healthy as a horse until I turned 50.  The last 6 years have been a down hill slide.  I won't bother to regale you with the gory details but geez can't it just stay static for a while?  Just a couple of days would be nice.  Today it's my upper left thigh, my knee and my very annoying but fortunately not infected tick bite.  We are thinking good thoughts that it was not a tick that carries Lyme disease for that would truly be unfortunate in addition to being a royal pain in the ass.

Of course I don't get a lot of sympathy around here as Larry is 68 and therefore claims title to the "I'm getting too old for this" award.  But I work really hard to keep my second place standing.

So in spite of a crumbling body I will solider on.

I can't wait to hear what the conspiracy theorists have to say about the advance security person who went to Mexico and came home sick.  3 of the 4 members of his family have tested positive for H1N1 (because it's really NOT the swine flu no matter what the media says).  I can hear them now - The Mexicans are coming here purposely to infect our entire country so they can take it over!  Close the borders!!!  Never mind the ignorance that viruses have no concept of borders and will travel wherever the hell they want.  Have they not heard of planes, trains and automobiles? Really funny movie by the way.

Ah but they're so entertaining in their paranoia.

Soon it will be off to the kitchen to make the stuffed shells (only I use Italian sausage instead of veal, moral stands and all that) that I was going to make yesterday but in my self pitying mode and a 7:15 pm doctor appt they didn't get made.  But no problem as we have left over Risotto - it's just getting better by the day - for dinner.

Then it's time to figure out a dessert for FWF and something for book club Saturday, it would help if I finished the book as well.  I'm finding it very dark and difficult read.

In addition to this lovely news it's supposed to rain tomorrow YES!  We seriously need it.  Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain.

TTFN

I know I shouldn't still be surprised

But I still am.  I'll be going along having a string of wonderful, beautiful, glorious days then BOOM
along comes one that knocks me on my butt.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I woke up ok then decided to work on the homework Dr. Sanity had assigned, she does that sometimes.  I thought it would be a piece of cake - it wasn't

The more I tried to accomplish the task the more depressed I became.  I called Dr. Sanity's cell just to get the voice comfort and found a live and in person Dr. Sanity, even better.  We chatted for a bit, she said obviously the task she assigned was not ready to be done at this point.  Her quiet, calm manner always helps.  She also has to ability to get my mind going in a direction I hadn't thought of.  So with directions to take care of myself we ended the call.  I went a took a nap then made a lovely risotto for dinner.  I think my arm will recover from the stirring sometime next week.

Later we were watching tv and I asked Larry to stop so I could talk to him about how I was feeling.  That's new for us, I kept everything inside.  Now I can talk, well not freely but more easily, about what's happening inside.  It's nice to be able to share so he can understand.

Because I'm listening to Cnn an extra comment - Michele Bachman - R (MN) is a flaming nut case.

I thought you might find this interesting

It's what a remember from a dream early this morning.  I know there's more too it but I don't remember anything but this

I was in my car driving somewhere?  I was going to sell someone a cell phone, as in I was a sales person.  I was on a freeway where there are all kinds of overpasses that soar one above another. kind of like this All of a sudden traffic came to a screeching halt on my left I could see a gasoline tanker truck that was out of control and sliding towards me.  I knew if it hit me it would explode. As it was sliding across the lanes I somehow managed to get ahead of it.  Then a bit further in front of me a UPS truck fell into nowhere, literally tipped on it's side and dropped into outer space and then a school bus flipped on it's side right in front of me.

I'm obviously stuck but still thinking about selling the cell phone I get out and walk, in business suit and heels no less.  I get to where ever it is I'm going, demo the phone to a technology illiterate guy - I don't remember if he bought it but he liked playing with it. From the shape I remember it was either a blackberry or an iphone.  I remember the shape being very important in the dream but have no idea why.  Probably because I really want an iphone but have absolutely no need for one - I crave new technology

I then start to walk back to my car, mysteriously all the traffic is gone.  The last part I remember was talking to people to try and find my car - which was the only one not damaged in the crash

Then the alarm went off and this part of the dream was left.  I know there was more at the beginning but who knows what?

Anyone good at dream interpretation?  I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Even grocery shopping was fun

I have a therapy tool I'm trying.  I went to one of those paint it yourself pottery places and bought a bowl.  It resides in Dr. Sanity's office until I feel like a puzzle piece has fallen in place.  Friday it seemed as several pieces had fallen into place so I took the bowl with me.  Today I went and painted a few pieces of the puzzle, none of them are connected to another yet but one piece is connected to the top edge of the bowl.  It was not until I got home and was showing the bowl to Larry that I realized when fired the only piece currently touching the edge will be almost the exact color as Dr. Sanity's hair.  A little freaky.

Then it was off to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods.  Because EVERYTHING seems to be getting so expensive I shop a lot more at TJ's, which is hard because I really try to support our local farmers but I don't need homemade ricotta for my stuffed shells so the cheap stuff will do.  Soon the farmer's market will start and then I can get back into at least buying veggies there.

Ever since I went through chemo I'm paranoid about meat and fish.  I almost always buy them at Whole Foods.  I can find organic, chemical free meat and fish there.  The carry the dairy products from Clover the only dairy in the country that has been certified as cow friendly by the Humane Society.

Now it's off to do something with the things I purchased while having fun.

Fun, it has such a nice ring to it.

My New Mondays

I've managed to get myself in one of those weird sleep cycles again.  I'm up until 3 or 5 then sleep at least til noon or 1 or 2.  It's really hard to accomplish anything when half the day is gone.

So my new Monday will consist of going to the gym in the morning, seeing Dr. Sanity at 3 then, weather permitting going to the beach.  I say weather permitting because summer is the season of fog in Northern Ca.  You can sometimes drive to the beach and not even see it because of the fog.

 For as Mark Twain is rumored to have said "The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco."

The true test will be this Monday morning as in addition to the above I have an appointment at 9 am.  I know all of you that know me in person will fall to the ground in hysterical laughter - I'm not exactly know as a morning person.

Talk about panic!

I've been working on a blog for another person.  Having finished what I was doing on that page I headed over to my blog to talk to you.  I got a message that the page could not be found.  Image my panic, 3 years of posts and comments gone!

Then I realized that I hadn't logged out of the other blog and into mine - oops

This is a post I meant to put up a couple of days ago

but with the mammogram freak out I forgot.  So here it is a few days late.  After my Monday session with Dr. Sanity I felt like going to the beach.  I'm an Aquarius  and I love WATER especially the ocean.

So I called Larry when I was done and headed out. Here's what I found

Heavenly

 I went to Goat Rock (ok so it's not Goat Rock but it's the North Coast somewhere.  It was warm and beautiful, the beach not crowded, but crowded enough I resisted the urge to drop my jeans.  I just rolled them up and managed to get nice and wet.

The roar of the waves as I got out of the car, and a nice surprise I had a big beach towel in the car left from transporting the stuffed mushrooms Saturday.

That first feel of sand under my bare feet as I climbed through the berm  . Then hitting the beach it's self 

I literally cannot remember the last time I actually walked on sand!

Then the water, standing at the edge of the waves letting it tickle my toes at first because you forget HOW FRICKING COLD  that water is.  But soon enough your feet are numb and you don't care.  If you don't live in Northern California you have NO idea how cold the water is.  We grew up with it, chattering teeth and all.  Think of sticking your feet in a bucket of ice water. 

The tide was coming in when I was there slowly at first, then those rip tide  waves  started tickling my ankles, as the waves got bigger it started it's siren song - oh you should really come out here and let me take you sideways down the beach.  Ah thank you but no I learned about rip tides very young at Shelter Cove and got a spectacular reminder at Polihale beach  in Kauai.  Yes the riptide veteran got careless because "I know all about riptides" yeah well it grabbed me by the ankles and bounced me down the beach so hard the back of my legs were black and blue for over a week.   I was literally only ankle deep.  Rip tides are VERY scary things and the only way to get out of one is NOT TO FIGHT IT.  Just let it carry you down the beach no matter how far until it diminishes and you're able to get out.  Fight it and you most likely to end up drowning

I spent about an hour and 1/2 enjoying the wonderful water, I think I got a bit burned but who cares.  My mind got calmed.

When I got home Larry met me at the door and I asked him how he was.  The reply was "fine now that you're home

I think I'm going to make this a routine after my Monday sessions with Dr. Sanity.  I'll toss a book, some sun block and a beach chair in the back of the car and head to the Coast - it only takes about 35 minutes to get there.  I'll commune with nature, the very cold water on my feet, the roar of the waves in my ears and the feel of the sand under my feet for a while and then head home before it gets dark.

Heavenly

 I went to Goat Rock (ok so it's not Goat Rock but it's the North Coast somewhere.  It was warm and beautiful, the beach not crowded, but crowded enough I resisted the urge to drop my jeans.  I just rolled them up and managed to get nice and wet.

The roar of the waves as I got out of the car, and a nice surprise I had a big beach towel in the car left from transporting the stuffed mushrooms Saturday.

That first feel of sand under my bare feet as I climbed through the berm  . Then hitting the beach it's self 

I literally cannot remember the last time I actually walked on sand!

Then the water, standing at the edge of the waves letting it tickle my toes at first because you forget HOW FRICKING COLD  that water is.  But soon enough your feet are numb and you don't care.  If you don't live in Northern California you have NO idea how cold the water is.  We grew up with it, chattering teeth and all.  Think of sticking your feet in a bucket of ice water. 

The tide was coming in when I was there slowly at first, then those rip tide  waves  started tickling my ankles, as the waves got bigger it started it's siren song - oh you should really come out here and let me take you sideways down the beach.  Ah thank you but no I learned about rip tides very young at Shelter Cove and got a spectacular reminder at Polihale beach  in Kauai.  Yes the riptide veteran got careless because "I know all about riptides" yeah well it grabbed me by the ankles and bounced me down the beach so hard the back of my legs were black and blue for over a week.   I was literally only ankle deep.  Rip tides are VERY scary things and the only way to get out of one is NOT TO FIGHT IT.  Just let it carry you down the beach no matter how far until it diminishes and you're able to get out.  Fight it and you most likely to end up drowning

I spent about an hour and 1/2 enjoying the wonderful water, I think I got a bit burned but who cares.  My mind got calmed.

When I got home Larry met me at the door and I asked him how he was.  The reply was "fine now that you're home

I think I'm going to make this a routine after my Monday sessions with Dr. Sanity.  I'll toss a book, some sun block and a beach chair in the back of the car and head to the Coast - it only takes about 35 minutes to get there.  I'll commune with nature, the very cold water on my feet, the roar of the waves in my ears and the feel of the sand under my feet for a while and then head home before it gets dark.

3 years

Well,it's not quite 3 years.  That will be May 6 but I had my 3 year mammogram today and all is well.

Have I mentioned that Dr. Sanity ROCKS?? As an added bonus today Dr. Sanity was there with me.  She was planning on surprising me but when I called her this morning to say I was totally overcome with fear she told me she was coming.  I burst into tears I couldn't believe she would do such a caring and supportive thing for me.  I told her that Thank You doesn't even begin to cover it.

She came in the room with me, obviously having had a little chat with the tech while I was changing my clothes because she was wonderful as well.

I'd already talked to Dennis, the world's best radiologist, to see if I could sit in while he read them my films.  He said of course.  So mammograms done and acceptable Dr. Sanity and I headed off to visit Dennis.  As it happens Dr. Sanity is also on the Advisory Council so everyone knows her as well.

Dennis sat down at his massive screen and walked us through my last 3 mammograms.  You could see the original teeny, tiny, deadly tumor, in the next you see the clips left by surgery and how the breast tissue looks after it's been irradiated and on today's you of course again see all the clips but you can also see how the tissue is beginning to recover from the radiation.

What a fricking relief!

Drum roll Please

Well the choice was quite easy as only 2 people entered the contest!

The winners are Lizbeth and MFA Mama, long may you blog.

Countdown to a one year free Typepad Pro account.

We're coming to the end this weekend is your last chance to enter for 1 of 2 free Typepad PRO accounts is Monday, April 20

I have 2 accounts to give away.  You can use it to upgrade from basic or plus to pro as well.

Be creative and send in your request.  I'll announce the winners Friday April 24.