Well, it's not going to kill you

Fight Like A Woman

I visit this site every day http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

They've been having a Fight like a Woman photo contest which caused me to reflect upon what fight like a woman really means.  It's not fighting in the traditional sense of the word.  You're diagnosed and suddenly you find yourself thrust into this foreign world.  You're immediately, or you should be, hooked up with a surgeon, medical oncologist and a radiation oncologist.  All strange territory and they're on your side but when they're assaulting your body it's some times hard to remember that fact.

That's the outer level of fighting surgery, chemo and/or radiation.  The real battle is in your heart and mind.

I've seen people who've just given up after a diagnosis.  They just assume they're going to die and take their hearts and minds down that road.  I've heard of people who just ignore the very obvious fact that they are sick and end up dying rather than fighting.

The inner level of fight is what gets you through.  The positive attitude that this disease is NOT GOING TO WIN.  You endure surgery or surgeries in my case.  You let yourself be pumped full of drugs that can kill you and you let yourself be radiated knowing that it might cause skin cancer, rare but it happens.

All the time thinking THIS DISEASE IS NOT GOING TO WIN.  That's what is means to fight like a woman.

Wrap it up

Yes now that the great cancer adventure of 2006-11 is over I'm starting over.

But before I head off to my new blog I thought I should let you know that Colin the $7000 dog made it through recovery great.  His staples were removed this morning and he's a FREE dog.  No more great race to the front door while he tries to get out. No more ignoring his toys when he wants to play and best of all he's on his way back to his regular food.

Much thanks to the Banks of Mom from whom we borrowed heavily.

Come visit me on my new blog Nearly Normal

Wow what a week!

A week ago today we had to rush Colin to the emergency vet at 2 am.  We didn't know what was wrong but when he cried like a baby we knew it was bad so off we went money be damned.  It turned out that his stomach had flipped, apparently very common in big dogs, and he was close to dying.  Instead he had surgery the next morning, had 40% of his stomach removed and the rest sutured to his rib cage so it won't happen again.  It was all very touch and go the first 72 hours.  The toxins that are released when the surgery is done can effect other organs, in his case the heart.  Fortunately his heart decided to keep beating all be it a bit funky for the first 4 days and we got to bring him home Monday.  He's laying here next to me on his back showing me his shaved belly and a big row of staples that must itch like hell.  When we're not around to watch him he has to wear an Elizabethan collar so he can't pull at the staples.  I keep thinking of the "cone of silence" from the old Get Smart series.

While Colin was busy trying not to die I was busy being busy.  Thursday was a loss as we didn't get home until 4:40 am and were awoken at 7:30 to be told Colin was going into surgery.  Needless to say it was a very stressful day.

Friday I had an appointment in her new role of cancer survivorship doctor.  It was a luxury to have an entire hour with her while we discussed the long term effects of chemo, chances for cancer recurrence, etc.  I'll be seeing her every six months from now on to watch for said discussion items.  It's a comfort knowing that there is someone dedicated just to watching out for cancer effects.

Saturday I took an all day Jin Shin Jyutsu  class.  Sunday I helped run the silent auction at the Pinot Family reunion.  I didn't get to taste much but what I tasted was suburb.  Monday we brought Colin home and I headed off to a refresher crochet class and yesterday was therapy with Dr. Sanity and a doctor's appt for an infection on my nose.  

Not a small inconspicuos one.  No bright red with a scab right below the bridge of my nose.  Today I hit the wall and napped. 

Thus endth the week that was WOW.

My next career move

Yes a new career opportunity has arisen.  It's called rescuing the cat 

the cat from the roof.   Sophie, is now 18 and her back legs are not once they once were.  She can climb up with ease, down however is an entirely different thing. Record for rescuing said cat - yesterday 4 times including once with an audience cheering me on.  Moral of the story: never try to reason with an Abyssinian.

On another career front Amy has finally started her focus group for cancer survivor care.  We've only had one meeting so far.  It's VERY clear from sharing our stories I was the "luckiest" of the group as I already knew most all the players before I started. I heard some real horror stories from around that table.  We all know what we don't want, now we just have to figure out what we DO want.  The great thing about Amy's project is she has 3 focus groups, the oncologists, the primary care physicians and us to bounce ideas off of.  I've been waiting for her to start this group since I finished treatment and ended up on the edge of a cliff.  If I hadn't had the good since to take Dr. Sanity's hand when it was offered I'm sure I'd be dead and wouldn't that be ironic.  Survive the treatment, cure the disease and not survive the aftermath.

News of the day

The plants are all snuggled in their nice little pots with potting that absorbs water and then releases it when the plant starts to dry out.  Good thing because it's damn hot here today.  Yesterday slightly cool, beautiful weather today Mojave desert.

Our family doesn't do hot weather even the dog falls apart.  Right now he's in the bedroom right underneath the fan keeping himself as cool as he can all things considered.  After all it's only 94.  Yes 94 we jumped spring right into summer.  A couple of weeks ago we got 3 inches of rain, today 94.  Yikes!

In other news I'm finally feeling SO.MUCH.BETTER.  I was beginning to feel that it was never going to happen but Dr. Sanity and I have done some very hard work over the last few weeks.  While I still don't know what the new normal is I have more energy, more patience and more creativity.  I pulled out a needle point canvas that I bought years ago for Larry's Mom and hope to get it finished and finished  by her birthday in November.  I say finish and finish because once I complete the canvas I have to do something with it.  I'm learning toward a pillow so she can rest it on her bed.  But knowing her she'll put it in a storage bag with moth balls and keep it in the attic for save keeping.  Oh well I've given up trying to battle her OCD.

I'm also taking knitting lessons.  I knit years ago and forgot how much fun it is.  I did my homework for the week 20 stiches, 20 rows and went on the hunt for another set of knitting needles, also there were none to be found.  I'm going to be creative and start another project on the same set of needles with different yarn as I discovered I can "watch" tv and knit at the same time.  That works  out well because Larry is a TV junkie and I'm not so I'm usually at the computer while he watches tv.  This way we can be in the same room together and have deep philosopical talks about food, his mother's cooking and mine.  He claims I introduced him to good food, his mother is more of a Campbell's soup kind of cook.

A few years ago she broke her hip, we went back to take care of her.  I of course took some of my favorite recipes so I could cook dinner and fill her freezer which I'd purged of all the frost bitten food much to her displeasure.  She called the other day for my recipe for pasta sauce, she'd just finished to last of it and wanted my recipe!  Can you imagine almost 5 year old frozen pasta sauce???  Unfortunately for her I don't have a recipe it's some of this and some of that, a pinch of this and too taste on take and don't forget the red wine.

A perfect day

Yesterday was the appointed day for my 5 year celebration.  After days of rain and cold yesterday was stunning.  Beautiful, warm and sunny - how lucky can one be?

There were a few pitfalls along the way in the morning, eggs that wouldn't peel and I overcooked the asparagus so no prosciutto wrapped asparagus but no one missed it.

We had good food, good wine and WONDERFUL company.  My Mom, sister Jan and cousin Pat drove up from the South Bay which was an unexpected please as Jan is driving to Chico today to move my niece Marissa into her first apartment.

I feel so blessed to have so many people take time from their lives to help me celebrate mine.  Even Dr. Sanity was here as was only appropriate for without her I might not have a life.

Now is the time to thank all of you who've been with me on this journey as well,  it's been a treasure to share my thoughts with all of my friends inside the computer.

Now on to a new and improved life, leaving cancer in the dust were it belongs.

5 YEARS!!!!!!

Today is the 5th anniversary of my diagnosis.  I'm ALIVE.

Filling the box...

  ...literately and figuratively.

Once a week I fill up my prescription box, early morning pills, morning pills and bedtime pills.  Now all these pills are not "box" related but 4 are.  By the "box" I mean the box that I found myself in before I met up with Dr. Sanity.  The box that had me days away from suicide.  I didn't have a plan in mind but have since developed a nice clear fairly painless way to die, not that I intend to use it but you just never know.

By my nature I am not a group as in group support person.  I tend to pick one person I can rely on and stick with them.  Unfortunately after I finished treatment I also lost my person.  I tried to carry on as best I could but didn't do a great job of it.  And when you add ending treatment and a ruptured bowel on what was supposed to be my reward for finishing my treatment I was really a mess.

PLEASE all you non-support people like me find yourself a GOOD therapist, ideally right after you find your surgeon and oncologist.  You may have to go through 2 or 3 before you find the right one.  You may end up like me with Dr. Sanity and Dr. Drug because you need someone for therapy and someone for drugs.

Good news coming in Sonoma County at least there is finally movement on setting up an after care program for women who have completed therapy.  It will start development some time in the fall and just like the Breast Care Center will require time, money and talent to get it going but it WILL be there.

 

Good News

I just had my new baseline mammogram and ultrasound Tuesday.  Every thing looks great.  I was a bit freaked as this was the big 5 YEAR mammogram, the one that ends my stress about my cancer returning but managed to hold it together.

Let's just all say YAH and breathe a deep sigh of relief.

As the water churns

Remember all that chlorine I told you about?  The test results were worse after we shocked the system than before ... WTF?

We have now thrown up our hands in surrender and ordered a UV filter that's rated for food service.  It's advertised to kill 99.99% of all bacteria in the water.  Hopefully it will be here later this week so we can install it as my potatoes are begging to be planted and my tomato seedlings will be arriving in the next couple of weeks.  Yes I know everyone carries e.coli in their system but I'm reluctant to add fuel to the fire by watering my veggies with infected water.  Mother Nature demands respect.

In the do not fold, spindle or mutilate catagory the toilet paper is becoming increasingly unruly from the looks of it.  Emme has made it her job to keep it in line by biting and clawing it.  It's beginning to look like the punch cards that old computers used.

In the errant husband category Larry's rib is healing slowly.  To make things more fun he picked up some sort of inner ear virus that really screwed up his sense of balance, at least it kept him from doing things he shouldn't with a cracked rib.

In the it's finally happened category - SPRING has sprung.  My beautiful weeping cherry tree is in full blossom.  I look at it and think I need to get a picture of that and well as you can see there's no picture yet.  Also in this category it's getting close to the 5th year since my diagnosis.  I'm throwing myself a party because one deserves a party for living 5 years after a breast cancer diagnosis.  However I just rescheduled the date because one also does not want to accidentally make ones guests ill, very bad form.

In the Literature category some book tips for anyone who's interested. 

Little Bee by Chris Cleave

Day After Night by Anita Diamant also if you haven't read her book The Red Tent you should

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

Yes I realize that I'm one of the few people on the planet that has not read it but I'm reading it now and it's very good.