Well, it's not going to kill you

Putting it all in perspective

I just found the most wonderful quote on breast cancer on this website which I hope you're all visiting every day and clicking on it's associated sites.

Here's the quote that got me

Someone once said, "Breast Cancer does not define me as a women, but my battle with breast cancer does." Honestly those few but powerful words are about as close it gets to the truth.

Amen sister!

  I know some of you have been with me since the very beginning back in 2006 -it's still hard to believe I ever got that phone call from Amy.  But I did and I've never been the same since.  It's the battle that gets you, challenges you and changes you for better or worse.  You KNOW deep in your heart you will never be the same person again.  But you learn who you really are but what ever means you need.  I've been blessed with Larry, Amy, Dr. Sanity, Dr. Fun, Dr. Calm and my incredibly wonderful family.  I know because of my connections - The Advisory board, having Amy as my regular doc and knowing that NO ONE fucks with Amy's patients - some of my challenges were made much more easily for me that if I had just walked in off the street.

My psychology battle has been much more difficult but there again I'm blessed with Dr. Sanity who also happens to be a member of the Advisory Council so I already sort of knew her.  She has proved a god send in the path to finding out who I really want to be.  My greatest wish is that every person who is diagnosed with breast cancer is immediately given, along with the medical oncologist, radiation oncologist, some times surgeon,  the name of a therapist who will even up being there once treatment is over.

I think that's all I have to say my dear internets.  My advice is just be there for your friends.  That's really all that's important to know we have all of you on our side.

No but it's going to piss the living hell out of me.

This assault upon women's healthcare.  Of course you need to take into account that this public health studies were begun under the Bush administration so there was probably no science or scientists involved.

However now that the crackpots in the House and Senate have their bribed little hands on our health I'm feeling a bit wary.

Jen asked in a comment on the post I wrote about her and the 3 day walk "what should we do?"  Because my focus is breast cancer, duh, I told her to talk to the doc who delivered her kids as a first step.  As an OB/GYN he or she is the perfect place to start.  Lot's of tumors get found by OB/GYN's.  I suggested that she find out if there is a digital mammogram machine in her community, if there's not one in San Diego we're all in big trouble.  I suggested all of you start rabble rousing in your communities and raising funds for digital mammo machines.  NOT digitized films mind you a digital MACHINE and along with that a dedicated radiologist to read the films.  No more what ever radiologists hands the digital pictures happen to land in that day.  We deserve and should demand nothing less.

Don't be intimidated if you're told that can't be done, especially you Kaiser people.  Yes it can and the Sutter NorthBay Women's Breast Care Center is living proof.  It's not easy, it took us 10 years but it got done and we can now say with pride that we have the best equipment available with literally the country's best radiologist to read them.  Our ultrasound machines come from a place the sounds like "WE".  "We" sends it's people to our radiologist to learn what can be done with their machines.

If any of you are interested in more info please feel free to email me.  If I can't answer your question I can certainly find someone who can as my personal doc is also director of the Center.

Fellow women, we need to unite and make it very clear we will no longer be pushed around.  WE have voices and we can raise them very loud if we choose too.

I shall now remove myself from my soapbox for the evening.

Misc. notes

We went to an event for the Breast Care Center tonight.  There is a brew pub in Santa Rosa, Russian River Brewing Co. That raises money for the BCC every October.  October is designated breast cancer awareness month for those of you not in the know.  Tonight was the check presentation.  It was Larry's first big outing without his wheelchair.  He walked A LOT tonight using his walker, the man never ceases to amaze me.  He can irritate the hell out of me at times but never have I lost that sense of amazement as he recovers time after time from his traumatic health issues.  Now he's taken a pain pill and he and Colin are curled up on the couch together. Very sweet but I digress.

There were a bunch of us there to have beer, dinner and cheer when the check was presented.  $14, 608.46, we were floored!  Greatful and floored.  In the last 3 years they have raised almost $30,000 for the Center.  They really get into it, wait staff dye their hair pink, there's a decorated bra auction and a bunch of other things they do before, as the owner said tonight, they pick your pockets on the way out the door.  One of the best things about the event tonight was that the Director of the North Bay Sutter Foundation was there.   The BCC has been transferred from being a sub of the hospital to being a sub of the Foundation.  World of difference, instead of Hospital Director who didn't attend many events except Catwalk we now have Foundation Director who is youngish (early 40's maybe) who's very willing to attend most events.  He's a sweetheart of a guy and his wife is equally delightful.  Nice to see management get more involved.

It's fricking cold here.  We've been trying not to use the propane heaters because propane is so expensive but after having a portable electric heater run for an hour yesterday in the bathroom with all the doors closed in raised the temperature a whopping 1 degree, from 53 to 54.  Tomorrow I'm lighting the pilot light on the heater in the bedroom and turn it on because it was 51 when I got up this morning!

Dr. Sanity's new puppy is doing a fine job of learning to be a therapy dog.  She spent our session on Friday sleeping on my lap.  She still has that puppy soft skin and her eyes are to die for. Very soothing while we were discussing a very difficult subject.  

Book Club was yesterday.  We're small but we're dedicated, all 4 of us.  For this month we had read 2 books because both were relatively small.  One was The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society and other was The Zoo Keeper's Wife.  I recommend both highly.  The Zoo Keeper's Wife is a bit difficult to get into in the beginning but well worth the struggle.  We had our usual lovely time, the nun, the City Attorney, the semi office manger of a law office and me, along with the food and wine.  We all feel the same about most issues but obviously come at them from very different perspectives.  I can't even remember how long we've been together now but it must be close to 10 years.  We've had other people come and go, we sometimes believe we intimate them because none of us are exactly shrinking violets.  We never hesitate to speak our minds or nail one another to the wall if given the opportunity.  These women are such an important part of my life.  Where I can just be me.

Did I mention it's fricking cold here?  And guess who gets to go out in the cold, walk the dog, bring in firewood, take out the garbage and walk the dog again?  Yes you're right that would be me.  And that doesn't count trips to Kaiser.  Last week we saw the surgeon in Oakland at 11:45, about an hour away if the traffic is good - oh please excuse me while I pull to the side of the road and laugh hysterically because it's more like 2 hours.  Then had to be back here for physical therapy at 5 pm.  Yes a lovely day indeed.

 Yea, I found my camera cable!!!  Boo, I haven't figured out how to download the pictures yet.  For someone who loves technology as much as I do it's a rather embarrassing admission.I think that's all I have to say tonight because I'm running out of steam and still have to bring in fire wood and walk the dog.

Dear internet

I really haven't been ignoring you.  It's just that lots of what's happening now is happening in Dr. Sanity's office and I don't really feel like sharing it with you.  Sorry.

I am getting better, slowly but surely.  Things are popping out of boxes and corners where they've been stored for far too long.  Often times I find myself scraping myself up off her office floor before I can leave.  More frequently I just want to sit on her lap and suck my thumb.

It is very hard work but finally my meds are working well which makes a WORLD of difference.  It's difficult to work on being sane when you're thinking of the multiple ways you can slit your wrists all the time.

In the mean time we can discuss things like George Bush's history revision tour, or Dick Cheney admitting that he OK'd torture - I like that in a VP don't you? Or what the hell is going on with the bailout - excuse me bridge loan to the automakers who Congress is making jump through hoops while granting millions to Wall Street with no oversight at all.

Or how much my medical premium is going to go up next year.  Will I still be able to afford it?

Or how incredibly successful the Breast Care Center is.  We had our Donor thank you lunch yesterday.  We are blessed with many local businesses from the florist who delivers a fresh bouquet for the waiting room every week to the brew pub who's employees die their hair pink every October and get All Hopped up for the Cure.

That's all for now.

Physically exhausted

Wow, 2 days of emotional concentration and I'm wiped.  Monday was the appt with Dr. Sanity and yesterday was an Advisory Board meeting where I was required to bring my brain and actually use it.

Lots of people wanted to know how I am.  Getting better thank you but Amy wanted a bit more detail.  That of course included tears and I could just see the thoughts going through her head.  "She really needs to see the new doc"  She asked when my appt with Dr. G was and when I told it it was Oct. 6 her reply was "damn".

So today I slept until 2 pm.  Tomorrow we're heading into the City for a play and driving back home.  Then Max has  a vet appt at 11:00 Friday, not sure I'm going to be able to swing that.  FWF is thankfully being held Saturday.  On Sunday "it's only women touch the grapes". 

It's a fundraiser sponsored by Amphora Winery.  The owner/winemaker lost 2 sisters to breast care.  The wine that is made from these grapes are a special bottling and the proceeds are donated to the Breast Care Center.

It's going to be a rough week, although I'm feeling better, it's not by much.  And Dr. Sanity is out of town.  Being in public can be exhausting  because I have to be hyperaware of not falling off the edge of the cliff.  There can be much slipping and sliding to keep my feet on solid ground these days.

All around good day

Good Advisory Board meeting - much proprietary info so we'll just leave it at that except to say the BCC is down donation wise just like every other non-profit in the country.  

Lovely massage - oh my darling Dionne, she has magic fingers and our brains are on the same wave length.  Sometimes we spend so much time solving the problems of the world the 90 mins. passes in a flash.

The smoke is somewhat better but you still have to know the hills across the valley are there to be able to visualize them.

Catching up with my favorite blogs.   Eliza, Nikki, Pundit Mom, Huffingtonpost, Salon.com (be sure to check out ask the pilot it's very entertaining)  I'm still waiting for an intelligent conservative blog because I want to understand the other side. And my secret, secret addiction celebrity baby blog.  I love babies, Id have a dozen if I could give them away when they turned 3.  I so enjoyed spending time with our nephews and niece when they were little and my friends babies but I so much more loved giving them back.

 

In weather related news

It is 7 pm here in sunny Healdsburg and a mere 94 degrees. I still have a load of laundry to do because I need a dress to wear to an "affair" tomorrow.  At least it's drip dry so no dryer involved.

 After we got home from the farmers market this morning we all headed into the bedroom because that's were the air conditioner lives.  LR and I read.  The dog slept.  The cats slept/talked/moaned/wanted in/wanted out/wanted back in.  Rinse and repeat.

I've decided to invent a cat door opener.  It works like this cat walks to door, cat yells at door, door opens, cat walks through, door shuts, cat yells at door, door opens, cat walks through, door shuts, repeat as necessary.  Our cats never quietly walk up to us and say hello could you please open the door to let me out and then as soon as you've shut the door will you open it so I can come back in thank you very much.  No, each of them stands at the door and cusses like a sailor in the sure belief that this will get the door to do their bidding.  And you know what, eventually the door DOES do their bidding with a little help from some one with thumbs.

The 'affair' tomorrow is the Pinot Family Reunion.  It's an expensive fundraiser for the Breast Care Center, but an oh so lovely one.  At $80 a ticket it features high end Pinot Noirs along with appetizers, upscale personages and lots of schmoozing.  LR and I get in free in return for volunteering for a couple of hours.  Nice work if you can get it.  It's just the whole dress part that I'm not looking forward to.  Well actually not the dress part as I live in cotton sundresses in the summer it's the fancy dress part. However I draw the line at pantyhose.

It makes me proud

Some how it comes up in many a conversation lately that women are visiting the Sutter Breast Care Center and love the place despite the mammogram.

The staff, each and every one of them, is stellar. I feel loved each and every time I enter the building but they know me there. To hear other people tell me the staff is wonderful is music to my ears. We women of Sonoma Co are surely blessed to have this place.

Kudos and many thanks to Amy Shaw MD and Nancy Bellen, survivor extraordinaire, who had the vision and the will to see it happen. And more kudos to Retha Snyder RN who keep the place up, running and the caring place it is.

So this is what power feels like

No matter how you look at it the Democratic party is on it's way to making history. The first ever Black or Woman presidential candidate. And California finally gets a chance to play a part in the decision. Cool! I'll be happy to vote for either of them as my man John Edwards has left the race.

Now onto the issues - Healthcare, Healthcare, Healthcare. So I don't have to worry about hitting the cap on my insurance, you don't have to worry about whether you have enough coverage and the Breast Care Center doesn't have to have a fund to provide women who fall through the cracks mammograms, ultrasounds and the like.

Yep, caps on insurance is one of those things you worry about when you've had to battle cancer. Can you imagine what it would be like to have it reoccur only to have your insurance company say um, sorry we've spent all we're going to on you. It's one of those 'minor' things you never think about until... Along with oops, you didn't calll us before you had emergency surgery. Yes we're still fighting the battle of the Hawaii hospital bill almost 14 months later.

Oh my achin' feet... for a very good cause

My feet are currently encased enveloped in these lovelies.  I'm breaking them in and learning to walk on them without falling on my face.  Not my usual footwear of choice and I'll explain why in a moment.  Generally my footwear is my feet, socked if they're cold.
When required to wear shoes Summer will find me in these in brown or these in black or green (mine are slightly different but you get the idea) when required to prove I can actually dress up.  I get through Winter in these in black and a lovely purpley color they not longer make.  I also have these only mine are red leather, and these and oh, these.  I could keep going as I have 28 pair of shoes in the closet, a pair by my chair, gym shoes in the truck and the pair on my feet.  But I'll stop now.  Yes I admit I'm a shoe junkie, given the money I'd have many, many more

The very good cause is Catwalk for A Cure.  It's our biggest fund raiser for the BCC and a total blast.  There are vendors before the show starts giving away pink things along with champagne and sometimes cookies!

During lunch, Amy, Charlie and several other people speak including the head of Sutter Santa Rosa, Mike Cohill.  We present the Community Catalyst award and then head into the live auction.  That's when things get really fun.  Much wine and champagne has been consumed by this point so there is very competitive bidding.  Following the auction is the actual Catwalk part.  We have many model groups including the military moms.  Last year they brought the crowd to their feet with a roar.  We also have the firefighters who get things hot, funny ha ha.  The last group is always the survivors.  This year I feel like a survivor so I'm modeling.

Long way around it but that's why my feet are an achin'.