Well, it's not going to kill you

Adequate healthcare

We were listening to the radio in the car today as we headed out to get some documents notarized.  YEA we sold one of our timeshares.  We went a little timeshare crazy and as a result we have one in New Orleans (undamaged by Katrina), one in Mexico, two, now one, in Hawaii and Shell Vacations club.  However that information  is not the point of the story so I will start over.

Picture LR, Max and myself in the car.  The radio is speaking to us, an ad comes on for Good Sam hospital in San Jose.  Apparently it is one of only 66 expert cancer center in the US.  I don't know who decided the 66 centers because noth7yy8076 (that was Sophie's addition) nothing comes up on google.

It started me thinking about the care I received and what other people might have experienced.  The ad mentioned about pinpointing exactly where the tumor is.  Yep, ultrasound and/or MRI. The day I had surgery- whoa 2 years ago today- after checking in at the hospital I was limoed over to the Breast Care Center to have the wonderful Dr. McDonald place a wire in my breast that led exactly to the tumor so Charlie knew exactly where to operate.

 And having the most current protocoll, yep I got inundated with info from my medical oncologist Dr. Fun and Amy.  These women read extensively and are up on the most current information regarding breast cancer.

There was something faster recovery periods and better response rates. I don't think any of those would have changed my making trips down to San Jose.

I KNOW I had the best care available bar none.  If and when I decide on reduction for my other breast, which insurance has to pay for, I know I'll need to head to San Francisco.  We're just not lucky enough to have a great breast plastic surgeon in the area.  Of course you didn't hear that from me.

Two years ago today.

Can you even believe that Internets?  Two years ago today Amy called and said "it's not going to kill you".

She was right, it didn't kill me but it changed me in ways I'm still discovering.

On one hand it seems as if it was ssooo long ago on the other it feels as if it was just last week.  I look at my scars everyday when I get dressed.  The one from surgery, the one from the sentinal node biopsy and the one from the port.  That's the one I can actually see most of the time because it's on my upper chest.  Then there are the radiation polka dots.  Most people don't know that they're there because I have so many freckles but I know they there and why they where put there and that they'll always be there.  Just like the scars in my mind and in my heart.

But, I'm still here, still going (mostly) strong and plan to be here for a long time to come!

Begging for dollars

I'm going out later today to beg for money, or more appropriately for auction items.  The BCC is having an online auction to raise money for our Integrative Health and Healing program.  Council members were charged with collecting items for the auction.  Another Council member lives in Healdsburg as well so we've been hitting up merchants in town for items.  The auction is bidpink.cmarket.com if you're interested.  The auction runs May 12 - June 1. 

I really hate asking for auction items even when I know the people I'm talking to.  It's more painful to approach strangers.  But it is for a good cause as I keep telling myself.

I was passionate about the Center before I was diagnosed.  You can imagine my increased passion since.  But I still hate asking.

I'm also trying to put together a case of Harvest Fair gold medal winners.  That way small wineries that can't afford to give a case can at least give a bottle.  I've already hit up Mill Creek Winery, we know the owners, so here I come Seghesio, Stryker, Thumbprint, Alderbrook, etc. etc.

Did I say that I really, really hate begging for money?  But it's for a good cause.

True Confessions - the dark ugly place

You may have noticed a lack of "significant" posts lately.  I been trying to convince myself all was sweetness and light when in fact I've been in a dark, ugly, angry place.  So ugly and angry that right now I can't even give it appropriate words.

Part of it is lack of control, I'm not good at that.  Part of it is the shear anger I what I have been going through for something so tiny.  This tiny little 7mm tumor turned my life and the lives of people I love upside down.  It's not right and it's not fair.  Then there is the subtle fear that has become part of my life.  Will it come back, what if I went through all this and it did come back, what would I do.  I try not to project myself into the future but I have to admit the fear is there.  Another part was that we had to consider whether we would cancel our trip to Hawaii in December.  That prospect of that trip got me through alot and the thought of not being able to go just devastated me.  Fortunately we didn't have to cancel.

Also fortunately my friend Nancy called Friday to see how I was doing.  What a blessing it was to talk to her.  She's been through all this and in our conversation I realized in was perfectly normal to have a dark ugly angry place.  It actually wasn't until yesterday that it dawned on me that I feel MUCH better.  SO MUCH BETTER.  I realize I might end up in the place again but for the time being it's gone.

A little history

I've been a volunteer at the Breast Care Center for almost 2 years now. Queen of the binders, a binder full of an incredible amount of information given to each new bc patient at the Center and a member of the Breast Care Center Advisory Council. Who knew I'd get this disease??

I take good care of my body. A physical every year, cook with olive oil, lay off the sweets, I even got it a colonospy for god sakes!!!

This is how it repays me? Talk about shock.

Fortunately 99% of the tumor was removed with a needle biopsy. I'm having surgery Monday (5/22) to make sure the rest of the tumor is removed and to have sentinal node biopsies - explanation provided upon request.

At this point it appears that I'll only need radiation therapy but I won't know until all the pathology reports are in.

My husband, a GEM, is being wonderful. He is a cancer surviour himself - colon cancer that spread to his liver - thinks it's about time I picked up the family illness responsibilities. He feels that he's done more than his fair share!

I'll be back to post again about the wild ride ahead. Stay tuned