Well, it's not going to kill you

The near death of my nephew Christoper at the hands of his Aunt (that would be me) JOKE PEOPLE

I still don't know what ever possessed me to say yes to this proposal but Chris was at that adorable toddler stage and Eric was an adorable 4 month old.  The proposal was my sister, her husband and another couple got a terrific rate on a 6 day cruise would I come down and stay with the boys so Joan and Keith could go and know the boys were with someone they trusted.  Chris had just turned 2 so Joan had a toddler AND an infant on her hands of course I said yes I'll give up a week of my vacation so you can go.

So the three of us sort of got our groove on.  My Mom or Keith's Mom would drop by periodically to make sure I was still alive.

Then came the day of a 3 way melt down.  The morning was alright.  Everyone got fed, Eric went down for his nap, Chris and I played with the blocks Larry and I gave him for his birthday. I'm still surprised that my sister did not kill me as there were possibly 30000 blocks in this box.  Chris got his lunch and went down for a nap, Eric got his lunch and went down for a nap.  The rule was Chris didn't actually have to nap but he did have to stay in his room and be quiet for an hour.  This task was assisted by a handy gate across his door.

I started picking up the numerous blocks and putting them back in their container.  In about 20 mins I started hearing "Auntie Kaky, Auntie Kaky".  First I ignored it but he kept on.  I told him he had to be quiet in his room for the rest of the time.  He got quiet, I didn't really notice HOW quiet because it was just so peaceful.

When the hour was up I went to his room.  He had totally trashed it as if some wild rock stars had joined him for the hour.  I was well and truly stunned.  Somehow he had done a Spider Man up the wall to get the stuffed animals in the hammock WELL OUT OF HIS REACH.  Every dresser draw had been emptied, books were strewn about, pictures off the wall.  How could 1 2 year old possibly do so much destruction in 1 hour?  I was beside myself, I'd JUST finished cleaning up the living room.  I told him sternly that he created this mess, he was going to help me clean it up.  I re stuffed the clown his Grandmother made him, tossed the stuffed animals back in their home, put the clothes back in the drawers.  His assignment was to put all the books back and pick up the Legos.  I'm sure it won't surprise you to hear that I spent most of the time saying "Christopher stop playing with those toys and put them away."  I finally gave up on his assistance and told him he could go read books in the living room.When I finished cleaning up his room, Eric woke up.  I went to get him and walked into the living room only to find all the fricking blocks that I had recently put away strewn around the room.  I decided for the sake of all our lives it was time to go to the grocery store.  I put Chris in the cart seat and Eric and his car seat inside the body of the cart.  As we walked down the aisles Chris would grab things and try to put them in the cart.  I'd tell me no, please put it back.  His reply was my mommy let's me have ... whatever I wasn't letting him have.  I countered with no your mommy doesn't.  Rinse, repeat, etc... after 4 or 5 times of this scenario he lost it.  Eric decided to loose it because he was hungry and I hadn't brought a bottle because I didn't realize grocery shopping would take 10 times longer that I expected.  So 2 crying babies, 1 almost crying aunt we made out way through the shopping and headed home.

I immediately fed Eric while Chris wept on the floor, I considered joining him.  Eric taken care of for the moment I picked up the still weeping Chris, comforted him, tried to get him to eat dinner, gave up and put him in the bathtub.  Shortly after I got him in the tub the doorbell rang.  I knew it was Larry because he had driven down to spend the night with me.  I told Chris in a voice he had never heard before or since - DO NOT MOVE!  I ran around the corner opened the door said to Larry please go sit in the bathroom because I will drown him otherwise.

I calmed down, finished his bath, got him in his pj's and into bed.  He immediately fell asleep.  I'm not sure who was more exhausted me or him.  And the fricking blocks were still all over the floor.

Thus ends the story of how Aunty Kaky came this close to drowning 2 year old Christopher.  You'll be happy to know we've all recovered Chris is 20 and in college.  I'm a lot older than 20 and using typepad.

Mrs. Mallory and me

I had a wonderful session with Dr. Sanity today.  Once again she slowed me down. She says this picture reminds her of my brain  , we went over last Friday to figure out how I ended up fractured and got the pieces loosely knitted back together.

As Scott Joplin accompanied me home and knitted  me a little more back together it brought to mind my 10 years of piano lessons.  

The first couple of years they were from a family friend.  Every Wednesday afternoon Auntie Kate would swoop into the school parking lot in her white with red interior convertible to pick my cousin and I up for lessons.  If the weather was nice we'd whip the 8 miles from Redway to Garberville with the top down, radio blasting and the wind in our hair.

Then Auntie Kate came to the conclusion that she had taught us all the basics it was time to go to a real piano teacher.  Mrs. Mallory was a REAL piano teacher.  Classically trained, professional concert pianist.  How she ever ended up in Redway is beyond me.  There were rumors of a Mr. Mallory who lived in Garberville, perhaps he lured her from the big city lights. She also pretended to be a terror, sometimes she really was.

She had a grand piano, not just any grand piano mind you a concert quality Steinway  she also had what we all referred to as her metronome of death.  If you couldn't follow the metronome she would come and stand RIGHT next to your head and beat the time on the piano with a ruler.  I shutter to think what that piano looked like at the end of her career.  She spent 8 years telling me I'd be very good IF ONLY I WOULD PRACTICE!

At home we had an old upright that Mom made sure to have tuned fairly regularly.  When we moved to Cupertino one of the things that had to go (2 story house to 2 bedroom apartment) was the piano so my aunt and uncle took it.  It got moved but never retuned, I don't have perfect pitch but it's close I HATED to practice on that piano hence the words from Mrs Mallory.

She also had a tradition that ALL of her students would participate in a recital once a year and no sheet music allowed.  I did it once, lost my place, faked an end, walked off stage, promptly vomited and vowed never again. Every fricking year for the next 8 years we had our annual battle.  Everyone will play in the recital, not me.  I'll drop you as a student, fine I'm still not going out on the stage ever again.  Rinse and repeat.

I actually dropped lessons for a couple of months in my senior year but I quickly realized that it was one of the few stable things in my life at that time and returned to the fold.

So as I listened to Scott I thought, if only I'd practiced more!  Yes I also thought about taking lessons again but as we have no piano I have no place to practice.  I've heard they have practice rooms at the JC but too many students for too few pianos but I'm still going to check it out.