Well, it's not going to kill you

Feeling chatty tonight

I without a doubt have the best therapist in the world.  There were some struggles when I first started seeing her, her style is very different from my former therapist.  I had to learn to deal with her style and trust her with my story, she had to learn my story.  Dr. Sanity believes in baby steps and I'm a leaper as she calls me at times.  There are times I leap into the wrong place and she has to pull me out but she's becoming very adept at that.

Dr. Sanity is a gem among therapists.  She reads the dozens of emails I send on occasion.  She surprised me and showed up when I had my mammogram because she knew I was so nervous.  She talked to me frequently the day Larry had his accident and showed up at the hospital on her way home.  She fed me then waited with me until I was allowed in ICU to see him.

She asked at 4 different sessions "have you seen Dr. Drug lately it's been a while?"  Yes people it took 4 sessions for me to figure out that she was telling me I should go see Dr. Drug and have my drug regime reviewed!  Glad I did because she changed me from one drug to another and I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

But last Monday we had a really rough session.  I don't want to discuss the details but she was afraid I was running off the rails and really lit into me.  I am the first to admit that I'm a very sensitive person and take things WAY to personally.  I emailed her Tues about my feelings because after all who do you talk to but your therapist.  Then again Wed. because I was really hurt.  I was not even sure that I could face her on Friday.

So she called me from the line at the bank on Wed.  I told her I didn't think I could talk to her.  Dr. Sanity was not about to say ok I'll talk to you later.  Nope this woman is like a dog with a bone.  I was going to talk to her and that was it.  While I stumbled, stuttered and cried she gently guided me through the hurt and apologized for not being gentle on Monday.  She saw me going to someplace I'm not ready to visit and got scared because she was afraid she could not contain it.  Had she not pulled me back into reality again there probably would have been pieces of me all over Sonoma County.

I was able to see her Friday, we got back on track, talked about my nagging fear of the 3 month feel up tomorrow and a couple of potentially ugly issues that may be coming in our life.  God it felt good to be "home".  It will be good to see her before I see Amy tomorrow.  I can talk about the fears and leave them in her office.

For richer or poorer in sickness and stupidity

I can't recall ever being so angry at him (Larry).  The trainer told me today that we should feed Colin by hand the next couple of weeks.  I relayed the info when we got home as Larry had stayed home to give the cats sometime to hang all over him.  They really miss their connection with Larry because Colin is always there.

So he (the asshole husband) feeds Colin tonight.  He puts the dog dish down and I say NO. No Mike said we should feed Colin by hand the next couple of weeks so he understands who's in charge.  Larry just shrugged and rolled away.

I am so angry I could spit.  I'm seriously considering saying fine you take him out for his walk tonight.  Walker, wheelchair I don't really give a F@#K.

Stay tuned for the next "I'm going to kill my husband" update.

Even Dr. Sanity caught the bug

The new dog bug that is.  She allows her patients to bring their dogs to their therapy sessions if they choose.  Apparently a number of us have new dogs and it's made her long for a new dog herself.  She had to put her beloved dog down about 18 months ago.

She read in the paper about these puppies and went to visit them.  One came up wrapped herself around Dr. Sanity's feet and it was mutual love at first sight.  Dr. Sanity first said yes then no.  She told me how on fire she was for a new dog at my Friday session.  But she was going to wait for a couple of things to happen on Monday first.  She decided she couldn't wait, went to visit the puppy today who put her paws around Dr. Sanity's neck and snuggled up to her like a baby.  The wall fell and Dr. Sanity will be picking up her puppy next week.

I never thought I'd be a sucker like that until I met Max.  I'm not a dog person, I've ALWAYS been a cat person but Max was special.  When I was so sick during chemo all I coud do was lay flat on my back he laid on the floor on my side of the bed every single day from morning to night until I recovered.  He was protective of Larry but especially protective of me.  I thought I'd never even like a dog as much as Max after he died.  I really wanted another Pyrenees but the fates were against us at this time.  Larry, wheelchair, walker, crutches ...  Thus we ended up with Colin.

Yes Connie I've gone to the dark side again but my first loves are still Sophie, Ted and Emme.  You would get the greatest kick out of Emme.  She spent her entire life, about 16 months living in the shelter.  It's a delight to watch her discover new things. Now that it's winter of course fire wood is coming in.  There was a stick of kindling on the floor and she pushed it.  IT MOVED.  I thought she was going to have a heart attack right there but maybe she only needed a sip of champagne : )

A brief interlude ...  we went to meet the dog trainer last night because we had missed the first class, orientation. Our main event for the evening was going to a friend's for a dinner of choppino, OMGF it was go good but I digress.  As we arrived at the designated spot, Copperfield's in Healdsburg  we realized we'd forgotten the walker and the wheelchair.  How could we have possibly forgotten not ONE but both.  As a result Larry and Colin spent the hour I spent with Mike in Copperfield's in the car.

The three of us headed off to dog school this morning.  We knew we needed a training collar because 1) Colin paid no attention to the training harness and 2) he chewed through part of it so it's off for repair.  Apparently the hot new training collar is the Martingale .  It's basically a cloth choke collar that's easier on the dog than a traditional metal collar.  We purchased our collar and went off to class.  He was less than impressed with the collar and got bored toward the end of class because he already knows how to sit, is so smart that most of the training bored him - RAPIDLY.  The most hysterical was the one where you place a treat on the ground and as the dog goes for it you cover it with your foot.  If the dog looks away it gets rewarded.  He was very excited the first 2 or 3 times.  After that he laid down and looked at us as if to say "how stupid do you think I am?  I know you're going to cover the treat with your foot so I'm not even going to bother making an effort"  I personally found it quite hysterical and he got rewarded for it.

As it turns out Colin has converted me again to being a semi-dog person again.  He's big, only 13 months old and 110 lbs.  He's expected to gain another 20 to 30 lbs and grow a bit taller.  Currently he stands 31" at the shoulder and 36" at the head.  Yeah he's going to get bigger.  But he's the most mellow guy.  In fact one of the people we had dinner with last night tried to smuggle him out and Mike doesn't even like dogs!

Everyone at Western Farms, our go to place if Healdsburg dog house doesn't have what we need, fell in love with him.  He's generally calm and approachable for kids up to adults.  Now If we could just get him to stop using his giant feet when he's excited.  I have bruises down both thighs because he gets so excited and he doesn't realize the power he has.We're greatly looking forward to the next six weeks of dog school.  We may ever cure him of a kid's version of "I didn't do it".  His version is "duck did it"  Every time he does something he knows he's not supposed to do he runs over to duck (who was once fluffy and white) grabs him and either shakes him for all he's worth or makes him squeak.  You know he's feeling particularly guilty if he makes duck squeak - riotous.  He is a great lift to my spirits which as you know have been sinking of late.

But it better news

I'm finally beginning to feel like a normal human being.  I was sustained by adrenaline rush for so long after Larry's "what in the fucking hell were you thinking" accident that I felt burned to a crisp.  I told Dr. Sanity it reminded me of one finals week in college where I had an organic chemistry, physics and calculus final all in the same week.  It left me physically and mentally drained.  One of those "great" college memories.  My mental health had taken a hard blow and I regressed so far it feels as if I'm starting from zero again.  But start I will because staying in this place is not an option.  Oh gooody I get to scrape myself up off Dr. Sanity's carpet again just to get back to were I was.

Last Monday she sent me home early from our session because I was so tired, so tired in fact that I almost fell asleep driving home.  When I came into her office on Friday she said "you look like you".  Of course I had been sleeping 28 hours a day in the week in between.

Sleaze ball tenant has FINALLY left the property, the garage is full of her stuff because she and her none too intelligent friends burned out the clutch on her car.  Instead of backing the trailer up to the house they pulled it past the house and managed to get it stuck in a ditch.  They decided the best way to solve this problem was to pull the trailer up the hill - unfortunate problem there is a car in the way.  They decided to solve this problem by pushing the car back into it's storage space, uuumm guess how successful that was.  So they decided to just try to pull the trailer out of the ditch by doing who knows what that resulted in trailer still in ditch and no clutch in the car.  She's promised she'll have her stuff out by the 3rd.

Last we heard her "friends" who were part of a gang of thieves were seen hitchhiking out of town.  YES!

We think we rented the house today.  To a very nice, very trusted young couple we met through friends.  He's a handyman type which would be wonderful to have on the property.  There is SO much to be done and Larry just can't keep up with it anymore, especially from a wheelchair!

The tenant wars down at the cabins continues but I don't care because all that stuff is back in Larry's lap.  Unfortunately our best tenant is moving out.  The young couple came up today to look at the place but there was no way to get in.  He changed the lock on the front door and super glued pennies over the locks in the back doors, in addition he put a lock on the inside of the gate to the backyard and booby trapped it.  Larry needs to track him down because we're putting an ad in the paper tomorrow.  He also gets to tell the tenant that I told she could have the place that she can't.  He's decided no more Section 8 housing than we already have.  She's section 8, still hasn't paid her deposit or the $25 she borrowed for gas over 2 months ago.

Actually in worked to our benefit because when they looked at former sleazy tenant's house they really liked it.  Now they just have to negotiate with their current landlord's to get out of their lease.  Better yet they'd like to rent the entire house which includes the currently trashed apartment.  He's willing to refurbish the place as well, sometimes dreams do come true. 

Guilty Pleasure

It' so decedent to sleep all day when your doctor orders you to do it!  Thank you Dr. Sanity.  She sent me home early from our session again yesterday with a GO TO BED AND STAY THERE because I was so tired words were disappearing from my mind before then were even spoken.

What with everything going on around here and having to shoulder most of the burden (or at least THINK I have to shoulder the burden, I've burned myself and my brain to a royal crisp!  As in I'm thinking one word and type another kind of burned out.Larry's getting better so I passed most of the tenant work back to him which is good because he's now as seething with anger as I am.  I passed it back to him but told him I'm going to do backup so he does not slip back into his sweet guy mode, because he is MUCH nicer than me.  I've worked extremely hard to get the tenants to recognize that we are 1) only their landlords and 2) they live in very old houses that bear no resemblance to living in a current era apartment and cannot always be repaired to their standards.  Please don't even get me started on windows because if I hear from a certain tenant ONE MORE TIME ABOUT HER FRICKING WINDOW I will loose my mind.

Dear Tenant,

Your house was built in the early 1940's without a foundation.  The house has settled over the intervening 60 some years.  The window CANNOT be repair to your exacting standards.  If you are unable to cope with this fact please feel free to take you and your whining self and find yourself a new place to live.

signed,

At my wit's end your landlord.

ps you are not going to be raped and murdered ( especially when you have a gun which reminds me I need to call Susan Chief of Police to see if it's legal for you to have a gun because you are a serious nutcake), there is no need to create drama where this is none or use that pathetic, whiny, oh woe is me, no one loves me voice every fricking time you call either.  It just makes me more pissed off.

I would really, really love to post this letter on her door but Larry frowns when I call the tenants nutcases to their faces.

We're all still alive reposted - spell checked this time

But exhausted!  Between Larry and I we've been to the doctor 4 times this month and that doesn't include visits to Dr. Sanity.  Oh and of course that doesn't include all the time he was in the hospital and rehab last month.  And Larry has 2 more visits next week.  One for his eye and one for physical therapy.  He's hoping to be transferred to crutches at the physical therapy visit.  I don't want to burst his bubble but I think it going to be a more gradual process so I just keep my mouth shut.

The other thing we did was adopt a dog.  We brought him home Wednesday and it feels as if he's always been here. No pictures yet, can't find my damn camera cable.

When Larry was in the hospital in Oakland he said "I need a dog"  I promptly got in touch with my friend who is the director of the hospital for the Humane Society and said "Larry needs a dog"  Carol is the person who found Max for us so I knew she would know the right dog when she saw it.  It had to be big and it had to like cats.  Well, he's definitely big, a combination of Brindled English Mastiff and German Shepherd.  His face looks very Shepard, all black and eyes that just make you melt.  He was raised with 2 cats and 2 small dogs.  The family had to downsize and there just wasn't room for 110 lb dog.  Carol said the owner was weeping when he turned him in and it's easy to see way.  He's about 18 months old as mellow as can be and CUTE.  She sent us pictures of him on Friday, we went to visit on Sunday and fell in love. I went to the shelter fully prepared not to like him but one look at his face and it was love at first sight.  Even better he walked over to Larry who was in his wheel chair and put his great big head in Larry's lap.  Larry just lite up like a Christmas tree.  It was the first time I've seen him really smile since he came home from the hospital. The owner said he was leash trained but my version of leash trained and his are 2 very different things.  I spent half the day yesterday yanking on the leash telling him "don't pull on the leash" and feeling terrible for doing it.   We solved that problem by making a visit to Healdsburg Dog House.  Natalie has a wonderful harness  that circles his body and the way it's designed you can very easily reel him in if you need too, teach his to walk properly at your side and we can leave it on for a long time as we want (I have a feeling it's going to be a long time, he's very smart but he's also 110 lbs and can be some what "difficult" to handle him.  We will be going to dog school but that will have to wait awhile as he's going to be Larry's dog I want Larry to do the bulk of the training.We'd been home about five hours when I glanced over at the couch.  Larry was sitting there, Colin had his head on his lap and was sound asleep.  Last night I couldn't get to my camera fast enough but Larry was stretched out on the couch sleeping and Colin was stretched out on top of him sleeping.The owner said he was leash trained but my version of leash trained are 2 very different things.  I spent half the day yesterday yanking on the leash telling him "don't pull on the leash" and feeling terrible for doing it.   He had to got back to the hospital yesterday to get his foot checked, they had removed a foxtail from his back foot when he came in.  In order to get in there on the appointed time I had to take him to Dr. Sanity's with me.  She frequently has other dogs come to sessions but I was a little worried about his manners of lack thereof to be more accurate.  He behaved very well. And best of all while Colin got his foot checked Carol and I got to spend some time talking to each other.

We used to talk frequently when I was doing volunteer work with Pets Are Loving Support.  But I stopped doing that years ago so our conversations have been via email and phone.  It was a total delight to see here happy and smiling.  Her husband died 4 years ago (hard to believe).  She still gets together with 4 other people that were in her hospice support group once a month which gives her great comfort. That's about it except for the ugly tenant wars and I've turned those back over to Larry.  My brain is fried to a crisp, I angry at them for being so stupid, and angry at myself for being so intolerant.  I'm perfectly happy going back to taking care the the money side.

OMG, I just got off the phone with my 21 yo nephew who is madly in love with Sarah Palin.  I keep telling him I'll eventually convert him from the dark side.  This kid is as smart as a whip, intelligent, funny, witty, loving, caring, supporting but he doesn't have a lot of guidance in  his life.  So while his little brother is attending UNR ( University of Nevada of Reno), he's still attending the local jc trying to find his way.  He's so funny he decided that his apartment was occupied by 2 ghosts so he went to the local Catholic Church he attends in Hollister, got a bottle of holy water and sprinkled it in all four corners of his apartment.  He says the ghost is now gone.  One I established the holy water was not stolen ( don't even ask) I agreed that the ghost was probably gone.  This is why I LOVE to talk to him!

I remember when had him up for a visit when he was about 3.  He's ALWAYS loved mechanical things.  We had a VCR that had died and Larry was going to toss it out, I said NO, let's keep it for Chris it will keep him entertained for hours.  And sure enough it did.  We started of just giving him a screw driver.  Pretty soon the questions started coming "what do you think will happen if I do this, or this or this."  He ended up with a pair of scissors and a wrench in addition to his screw driver.  He had the time of his life.

Well it's time to take Colin out, gee I wonder who's going to do that? So I'll close for now.  I think things have settled down enough that I might get some regular posts going.  But in the meantime I'm thinking of all of you.

If this post seems a little disjointed - it is there's been a lot going on and between dog wrangling and loading the wheelchair into and out of the car my lower back is killing me!

Yes, it's been a long time

Things have been a bit crazy around here what with Larry, the wheelchair and the walker.  The almost evicted tenant that is unclear on the concept of her rent and her power bill being 2 different things and me trying to keep all the plates spinning - remember Ed Sullivan.  

Last Thursday I went to a luncheon honoring my former oncologist Dr. Fun otherwise know as Helen Collins MD.  I also went on Wednesday but I was the only one there.  Does that give you a small idea of what's going on in my brain?  I did have to leave halfway through the live auction because I couldn't take the chaos.  Good thing I didn't spring for a Catwalk ticket, I probably wouldn't have made it into the tent.

I Friday then had my usual appt with Dr. Sanity.  By then I was so tired all I could say was I'm so tired I don't know what to do with myself.  She sent me home 10 mins early because, while I had thoughts I was too tired to articulate them.  She sent me home with permission, nay orders to sleep the entire weekend.  I have to get up to take Larry's leg brace on and put it back on, otherwise SLEEP.  And sleep I did.

I feel much better today.  Woke up to tenant hell but at least I had the resources to deal with the raving lunatic.  I'm being cruel to her because I expect her to pay both her rent and electrical bill.

So all and all the Carey household is running fine.  We have out first big adventure out with wheelchair and walker because Larry has an appointment with his ophthalmomologist that (as you can imagine) has been canceled several times.

Wish us well, it's a practice run for the first of many doc appointments I'm sure.

Ya, right on top of things here...

And I thought I was doing so well :)  I got up this morning attended to Larry's needs, hopped in the shower, put on make-up (I seriously cannot tell you the last time I put on make-up even my standard mascara because my allergy has been so bad this year) AND high heels (last time was for a Christmas) party.  Managed to get myself out the door, drive to the venue only to discover that today was not Oct. 1.

Tomorrow, Oct. 1, there is a luncheon honoring my oncologist Dr. Fun. She is retiring from practice, sob, moving to Southern CA, sob, sob, and going into cancer research, ok this is a good thing.

It did result in me remembering to call Marissa to wish her happy 18th birthday, I would have probably totally forgotten.

sorry had to stop momentarily to rescue a mouse from Emme, she is suitably pissed and still checking in the kitchen because she KNOWS it was there.  I think this might have been her very first capture.  I told her how wonderful she was but mice belong outside, not inside - she won't even let me pet her.

Larry continues to amaze me.  There's really very little I need to do for him, except he is  at my mercy when it come to getting his brace on.  That one thing he can't do himself.

I, on the other hand, am pretty sure I left half my brain at one of the hospitals along the way and am totally exhausted.  Dr. Sanity assures me these are perfectly natural reaction to the events of the last 6 - 8 weeks and I will recover after I catch up on my sleep.

He's Home

Which on one hand is wonderful, on the other terrifing.  In the past when he's come home after one of his dramatic illnesses I've always told people "I'm fine, I don't need any help"  This time I'm older, wiser and got knocked in the head by Dr. Sanity and I'm asking for help.  Some friends came over this afternoon to help me rearrange furniture.  Janet's parents are elderly so she's had lots of practice figuring out how to accomodate wheelchair and walkers.  It didn't take long and we have a mostly wheelchair friendly house.  Thank goodness I don't have to worry about cabinet door hooks or blocking electrical sockets LOL

I know this time I cannot do it all especially since I'm still be landlord and have at least one more tenant to evict after the almost evicted one moves out - please send good thoughts that she'll just pack up and leave and I won't have to take her to court.

So tomorrow starts a new routine, Kaiser is sending a physical therapist 3 times a week, he has multiple doctor appts, some here, some in Oakland and who know's what else.

In between I'll be seeing Dr. Sanity, being the landlord, the housekeeper and the nurse, although I don't come with a call button.

I've asked someone to organize a dinner tree to last 3 weeks, I figure by that time we'll have a routine down and I'll have time to think about cooking.

For those of you who are coming late to the party Larry had a terrible accident broke his hip so badly the surgeon decided to just replace it and compressed a portion of his knee so it had to be rebuilt.  Amazing to me it happened Sept 3, he had surgery on Sept 5 and 8, was send to rehab Sept 11 and is home today Sept 27.

Philosophically speaking

I was just talking to a friend who told me God never gives you more than you can handle and the more she (he in her case) gives you the more she loves you.  She said God must really love you.  We then ended our conversation laughing hysterically because if I start crying it's all over.

So the tenants are being stupid, drugged out and insane.  They were clearly standing behind the door on the day God handed out brains.  I had a lovely conversation with 2 sheriff's deputies at midnight last night.  One tenant doesn't seem to think we'll notice things disappearing, as in the coffee maker that was there last week and now is gone, along with a table, 2 lamps and 2 stools or the four large chainsaws.  If they'd taken the little ones' we'd never have noticed until winter rolled around and it's time to carry one in the back of the car for fallen trees.  No they were stupid enough to take the 4 large and expensive ones.

I've declared NO ONE is to have any visitors until Larry comes home because the first rule of landlording is to keep your tenants safe.  I've spent hours on the phone with hysterical tenants, one is convinced she's going to be raped and murdered how she's decided she's the one out of all the tenants is beyond me but there you have it.

I've spent hours on the phone with the HUD/section 8 people and am trying to find a way to evict at least one (the alleged thief) from the property asap.  I have to say I'm REALLY tired of talking with sheriff's deputies no matter what time of day.  Then I called Larry today to say I just could not make it to see him.  I felt SO bad, here's the person I love most in the world and the tenants are sucking me dry so I don't even have the energy to drive 45 minutes to see him. 

I talked to all of them and told them I needed peace this weekend.  NO VISITORS and CALL THE SHERIFF NOT ME.

I'll let you know what happens.  Mama said there'd be days like this.

BTW -  Nik, the devil sister I'm so jealous of your iphone I can hardly stand it.