Well, it's not going to kill you

How do you mend a broken heart?

We opened a bottle of wine tonight from British Columbia's Lake Okanagan's wine region, a lovely Gamay Noir.  They have some spectacular wines in the area alas their wine tasting season doesn't begin until May 1 and when we were there 4 years ago they refused to open most of their bottles unless we were going to buy them.  Excuse me, we're not buying wine unless we can taste it first!  We're not rookies here.

I hope they've changed their tune since then but you never know.

We picked up some SPECTACULAR wines, shipped 3 cases directly from BC, shipped another 4 cases from WA state and checked another 3 cases on the airline.  I won't go into details but we really lucked out.  For a few years we NEVER touched that section of the wine cellar.  It was the last trip that Deb, Fred and Larry & I made together.  Deb and Fred left early because Fred was in terrible pain.  He was a retired LAFD captain that had had a floor collapse on him in Hollywood.  It struck us odd that Deb was driving up in the joy of meeting up with them after a year we didn't pay attention.  We tasted, wined, dined at upscale and not so upscale but oh so good restaurants.  There was an Indian restaurant in the last town we were together in, can't for the live of me remember the name.  But the owner knew he had a group of Foodies in his grasp and was not about to let us go.  What a divine night.  If only we knew how much pain that Fred was battling...

We had another day of tasting to go then we were going to drive to Deb & Fred's in Vancouver.  That's not the way it worked out.  They went home, Fred in extreme pain.   Larry and I spent another couple of days wine tasting, then called to see if they were up for us visiting.  No.

We'd decided to head back to Seattle to visit our friend Merrilee and once Fred recovered we'd get together again.  Less than 2 weeks later Fred was diagnosed with a very, very ugly cancer.  Two weeks after that I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Not a fun time for any of us is a major understatement.

I will spare you the ugly details.  We finally decided last year we had to start drinking our BC wine.  Yes we lost some of it but we'll never loose those memories of our last REAL days with Deb & Fred.  We were blessed to see him at his son's wedding and once more after that.  We're lucky to still have Deb who is really my sister in disguise.  We decided that the first time that she and I met together.  We are also blessed with  the wonderful people we met because of Deb & Fred.  Bev & Chase, Greg & Caryl, Steve & Ruth, Jon & Janet.  The staples of our lives thanks to Deb & Fred.

That was a close one

I had my regular mammogram last Friday, something unusual appeared.  Because of my history it was not going to be a wait and watch kind of thing.  Our regular radiologist was out of town so his backup - also an extremely good doctor but not McD - wanted him to look at my results before he recommended anything. 

Yes it was VERY STRESSFUL, I still haven't recovered mentally but physically I'm just a bit sore.  The tribe stepped up Dr. Sanity spent hours on the phone with me, Amy called, even Charlie the surgeon emailed me.

Dennis or McD as we refer to him is VERY CAREFUL.  He told me he just couldn't be sure if it was an artifact from my surgery or DCIS he wanted to do a stereotactic biopsy.  Fun and games ensued, there's nothing quite like having your breast in compression for close to an hour while you hear the sound of drilling.

So biopsy Tuesday morning, results yesterday morning BENIGN! 

The fact that this happened is not unusual but the fact that it was able to happen so fast is a testament to the hard work we've all done to create a state of the art breast care center in our community.     

Yes you may all yell at me now.  I didn't want to post anything unless there was really something to worry about.

Shining Stars

Remember the pink glove dance  to garner attention for breast cancer.

Well, Sutter Medical Center of Santa Rosa where all our breast cancer surgery is done just won a 5 star rating for it's Cardiac Care Unit.  As Amy told me yesterday, 5 stars as in the Mayo Clinic has 5 stars.

In other astounding news - WE HAVE THE MONEY FOR OUR BREAST DEDICATED MRI!!!!!!  It will be the ONLY breast dedicated MRI in Northern California.  Are we proud of ourselves, damn right we are.

Our wonderful Dr. Radiology is still trying to decide which unit to purchase.  When we started our fundraising campaign 3 years ago only 1 company made them, now there's 3.

It will be a few months because it's acquisition requires the remodeling of our conference room into an MRI room.

YEA US!!! Yea the wonderful members of our community who made big donations so we could get 2 matching grants from Sutter Foundation.  Our dream has finally come through.

Putting it all in perspective

I just found the most wonderful quote on breast cancer on this website which I hope you're all visiting every day and clicking on it's associated sites.

Here's the quote that got me

Someone once said, "Breast Cancer does not define me as a women, but my battle with breast cancer does." Honestly those few but powerful words are about as close it gets to the truth.

Amen sister!

  I know some of you have been with me since the very beginning back in 2006 -it's still hard to believe I ever got that phone call from Amy.  But I did and I've never been the same since.  It's the battle that gets you, challenges you and changes you for better or worse.  You KNOW deep in your heart you will never be the same person again.  But you learn who you really are but what ever means you need.  I've been blessed with Larry, Amy, Dr. Sanity, Dr. Fun, Dr. Calm and my incredibly wonderful family.  I know because of my connections - The Advisory board, having Amy as my regular doc and knowing that NO ONE fucks with Amy's patients - some of my challenges were made much more easily for me that if I had just walked in off the street.

My psychology battle has been much more difficult but there again I'm blessed with Dr. Sanity who also happens to be a member of the Advisory Council so I already sort of knew her.  She has proved a god send in the path to finding out who I really want to be.  My greatest wish is that every person who is diagnosed with breast cancer is immediately given, along with the medical oncologist, radiation oncologist, some times surgeon,  the name of a therapist who will even up being there once treatment is over.

I think that's all I have to say my dear internets.  My advice is just be there for your friends.  That's really all that's important to know we have all of you on our side.

The joy of the tribe

I had another wonderful session with Dr. Sanity today.  We talked about a post I sent her Saturday, we have a private blog only she and I have the passwords.  I had to convince her that it was safe because she  is VERY into protecting people's privacy.  I  told her that I ALWAYS have words running through my mind and I didn't feel right calling her 20 times a day to talk after all she has other patients and a life.  That won her over.

Then I filled her in on yesterday's event.  I felt like my real self for the first time in a looonnnggg, looonnnggg time. Just totally present and joyful.  I think it was because I got to reconnect with the Tribe.  We don't have Council meetings as often as we did so we don't get to keep in touch like we used to.  Here was a collective group of women who have been on the same journey I've been on.  Our paths have been very different due to the different circumstances of our cancers and even the years we were diagnosed.  One friend was diagnosed in 1986 in those days in was a mastectomy no choice.

Thank God that times have changed, new diagnostic techniques, new surgery techniques, new drugs, new radiation techniques.  All this has made great changes for anyone who may find that errant lump.

Even the some of the MD part of the tribe was there.  Amy, Charlie, Dennis, Lea all of us having taken this journey.  Being with this group is like being home because they all understand or have been there themselves.

It was blissful and I remain blissful.  Hope it stays around for a while.